Why Choose Separate Sleep Spaces?

“Some couples require different physical factors in their sleeping spaces, such as temperature or airflow, white noise, texture and weight of the bedding, or levels of illumination,” says Girardot. “Having separate sleeping spaces can allow one to fully customize their space and their sleeping routine without the risk of interference.”

‘Sleep divorce’ also known as sleeping apart, isn’t a sign of relationship trouble. It’s often a sign of good communication, shared problem-solving, and prioritizing sleep.

— DR. MIKE GRADISAR

Establishing separate sleeping spaces can oftentimes lead to better communication and stronger relationships, says Gradisar—a fact he thinks should contribute to greater normalization of this idea. “Terms like ‘sleep optimization,’ ‘sleep partnership,’ or ‘intentional sleep arrangements’ better reflect what’s actually happening,” he says. Once you decide to start making sleep adjustments, the sleep expert advises using tools like the Sleep Cycle app to monitor sleep patterns, continuity, and awakenings. This way, you can see whether the changes you are implementing are actually making a difference in your sleep goals.

 Factors to Consider

Find your ideal sleep settings in order to maximize your snooze, whether that’s in the same room or separate.

• Noise – Gradisar says snoring and sleep apnea are on the rise, which means noise can be a primary factor in poor sleep quality. He advises trying earplugs, sounds, or soft music to soften snoring disruptions.
• Temperature – “Temperature regulation is tightly intertwined with our sleep across the night, and some people may emit more heat than others,” says Gradisar. Starting with separate duvets can help regulate temperature more efficiently.
• Movement – Movement matters when it comes to sleep. While mattress technology has come a long way in reducing movement-related disruptions, the issue can still arise. “Research suggests that up to a third of nighttime awakenings can be attributed to a bed partner moving,” says Gradisar. “Reducing those disturbances can significantly improve sleep continuity and depth.”
• Lighting – While lighting might not be your first concern, it certainly should be given its due. “Partners who go to bed or wake up at different times can benefit from very low-level, warm lighting to guide their movements in the dark,” says the sleep pro. “Overhead lights should be avoided during these conflicting times.” Consider investing in eye masks for a low-effort (but high-impact) solution for those who are more sensitive to nighttime light.

How to Create Separate Sleep Spaces in the Same Room

Girardot says a yours, mine, and ours approach can help in a shared space where a more customized solution for both sleepers is needed. “For example, I use a single-size weighted blanket between my sheet and coverlet to provide me with the sensory input I need while my husband controls his temperature without concern of the added layer,” she says. “Curating mine, ours, and yours layers will allow the bed to be made up beautifully during the day, inviting slumber at night, and support each partner individually.”

While Girardot thinks two separate beds in one room give a dated look, she says that if you must, just make sure the top layer of both beds matches. Everything else, from mattress to sheets, blankets, and pillows, can all be customized for each person’s sleep preferences.

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“Whether it’s separate bedrooms, separate beds, or simply separate duvets, the goal isn’t separation; it’s protecting sleep so both partners can show up as their best selves during the day. Sometimes the best thing you can do for your relationship is stop fighting over the duvet.”

— DR. MIKE GRADISAR

Setup Ideas for Separate Rooms

Giradot says the first step in setting up separate bedrooms is deciding who goes where—then making it your own. Everything from the mattress type to linens should be customized to each space and sleeper. “Determine your bedding preferences regarding weight, temperature, and texture, then have some fun selecting linens that help bring in the right aesthetic (maybe you've always wanted a room that's dark, moody, and masculine or floral, feminine, and delicate). Either way, have some fun making your mark on the space,” she says.

Other factors, such as illumination, room temperature, airflow, and noise-cancelling features, are opportunities for a fully customized sleep experience. “We all deserve to have a space that fully supports us, invites us to slumber, and leaves us better rested,” says the designer.